Fighting back- old me vs new me

I had a really rough day today. At about 2 PM I got a call from my doctors office to confirm that my blood work came back negative which means the round of fertility medicine I have been taking all month did not work. The hardest part is going through all the emotional changes and having nothing to show for it. I felt like a failure and it sucked.

The moment I got off the phone with the nurse, I broke down crying and wanted pizza. I seriously could not stop thinking about food for 3 hours straight. I went into a daze of depression and couldn't focus on anything but food and wanting to curl up in a ball on my couch and cry.

The way I handled it scared me. It brought back so many emotions of how I used to handle my life. It reminded me of the old me who ate to cover up how unhappy she was with life. The old me who let her health go so she could cater to those around her. The old me who was so unhappy she gave up.

I got home, made dinner, and went to the gym. I tried and tried to talk myself out of it but between myself knowing I needed to go and my husband motivating me I would not have went.  I am so glad I did.

At the gym I kicked my own ass! I pushed myself physically and it felt amazing. Pushing myself to the point my muscles are shaking, pushes myself mentally in a way that helps clear my head. The therapy I receive while lifting weights is something I can't explain.

I left the gym stronger. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. Once again I have been knocked down, but I got back up and I will try again. I won't let the old me control my emotions. I'll keep fighting to become the healthiest version of myself. I left the gym lighter. I left the gym a better version of the new me.