We are officially under way in our donor egg cycle. So far I’m only giving myself one injection of Lupron in the mornings and taking birth control to help monitor my cycle so me and the donor can be at the same stage in our cycles. The only side effects so far are my face has broken out and I am somewhat moody! Next week we begin a second injection of Estrodial which Nate will have to give me in the butt cheek. I’m freaking out because the needle is super long, but I hear it doesn’t hurt so I’m hoping that is true. So far this whole cycle has been so different than the last. We are so optimistic that it’ll work. Nate has mentioned that he wasn’t very hopeful that the last IVF round would work, but with this he just feels like it’s our answer. It really was so reassuring to hear him say that.
This cycle I’ve really tried to go into it really relaxed. I’ve read a few forums about what other women did to prepare for an IVF cycle and I kind of took bits and pieces of their advice and then did what felt right to me. Some women have gone completely gluten free, dairy free, soy free, etc months in advance to prep their bodies while others really didn’t change much other than cutting back alcohol and caffeine. There really haven’t been a whole lot of studies that can confirm that cutting gluten, dairy, and soy completely out of your diet really has any effect on the success rate so I’ve decided not to take that route. I have definitely cut back on caffeine and cut out alcohol all together which both are just healthy things to do anyways!
Studies have shown that stress plays a huge factor in conceiving which is why I chose not to completely change my whole lifestyle. I feel like it adds way too much stress to your life because you are stressing about what you can eat, what you need to buy, what recipes fit into your diet, etc. I’m sticking with my way of thinking in general… eat wholesome, natural foods that actually have nutritional value. With that being said I don’t stress myself out with any of it. If I want pizza I have pizza, but I make sure I’m not eating 100 % junk food.
As far as exercise goes, I’ve also continued with pretty much what I’ve been doing. I do cardio and lift weights at least 3 times a week. Lately, Nate and I have been burned out with our gym so we’ve been doing a lot more dog walks and home workouts. I love it because it allows us more time to talk and bond together. I really love exercise and the natural stress relieving effect it has on me. With all the hormones and changes that I’m going through I can really feel a difference when I am active and when I’m not. Blood flow is also super important during IVF and trying to conceive so staying physically active helps with that as well. There really are so many health benefits to working out, that’s why I have to remind myself of them when I’m not feeling motivated to work out!
This cycle has restored so much faith in me. We’ve had so many people step in to help us get to where we are now. We’ve had complete strangers help us with medication donations, our families have stepped in and helped in more ways than expected, and last not but least a woman has offered to give us a part of her to complete our family. The power of giving is huge. It’s really sparked a fire in me that wants to somehow help those going through what we’re going through. If I could I would become an egg donor, but since that’s not an option I’ve got to figure out something else out! I feel like this is pushing me into a life altering role, not just becoming a mommy but something else too. Only time will tell, but I’ve got a feeling we are going to be going through some huge changes in the next few months!
Last week we met with our IVF coordinator and got the paperwork needed to start our upcoming cycle. If all goes good, we will be retrieving and transferring late June. It’s so exciting but so scary. I remember feeling torn like this when we started our last IVF cycle. It’s like my emotions are so crazy that I can’t even tell how I’m feeling one minute to the next.
I go from being so thankful to be able to proceed with another round of IVF to completely devastated that I even have to go through another round. I am grateful that we found a donor who is willing to help us in such a tremendous way but then start feeling sad that I might never have a child with my DNA. I’m excited that we found the funding to start the cycle, yet completed stressed out that it won’t work and we will be in debt for nothing.
There are so many times that I play the “why me” card because reality is infertility sucks. It’s a battle that you fight every day from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep. It’s a battle that you feel like you’re finally going to win, only to be left in defeat when you start your cycle or don’t see the 2 pink lines. Infertility is a war against your emotions, hormones, finances, and sanity. It’s breaking into tears when you’re at the grocery store and see a distressed mother trying to calm her screaming baby and you can’t help but think you’d do anything to her. It’s being filled with anger when you hear moms complain about the small things when all you want to do is shake them and remind them just how lucky they are. It’s feeling empty all the time and it’s feeling completely alone through the whole thing.
I’m going into this round prepared to fight but I’m also ready to surrender. If this round fails I’m done. I’m done with injections, doctors, medicine, bloodwork, ultrasounds, running up my credit cards, and weighing myself down with the stress. No matter how negative that may sound, I have to remind myself all that I have fought over the last 10 years. Knowing that I’ve battled infertility and recurring miscarriages for 9 years now, been through a bad marriage, divorce, and countless other trials only makes me realize that I am a warrior. I might surrender now but I’ll never give up.
Through all the bad things that infertility has put me through, I can honestly say that I know without a doubt that I would not be the person I am today because of it. I’ve been taught how to be resilient in the face of defeat. I’ve learned to not judge others specifically being judgmental towards others decisions or others ways of grieving through hard times. I’ve learned to always trust your instincts. I’ve been reminded time and time again that true friendships outlast anything. I’ve gained more love and respect for my family because they are always there for me even when I don’t attend birthday parties or family functions because it’s too hard being around the babies. Infertility has taught me what really matters and for that I will always be thankful.
Hi my name is Whitney and I'm a mom to 2 adorable boys. Here you'll find our story of infertility, adoption, grief, and hope. I'm an open book so you'll never know what I'll post next!