Tackling obstacles by faith

​Feeling defeated in many ways lately. We’ve been saving money and every day we’re getting closer to our goal. We are hoping to be able to start our donor cycle the end of April or May but it seems like the closer we get the more anxious I’m getting. Not an excited anxious but a depressed anxious. Staying optimistic during such a huge time in our lives is so hard when we have everything riding on this. I think the reality of it all has really set in. We are putting all of our eggs (well not technically) in one basket.
Infertility has a funny way of stepping aside and letting you live your life and then sneaking up on you super-fast to remind you of the void in your life. It’s kind of like “Hey you have a pretty amazing life. Perfect family, amazing husband, awesome friends. Oh but wait, don’t forget… you can’t make a baby!” Infertility is such a bitch.
Women are naturally built to want to conceive and carry a child. We long for it. When that experience doesn’t seem attainable the guilt sets in. I feel guilty every day knowing that not only am I putting myself through such an intense experience, I’m also putting my husband and family through it too. I see the way my hubby is with our nieces and nephews and I know he will be the most amazing dad when that time comes. I watch my nieces and nephews growing up and can’t help but feel sad that my child might not ever have a cousin close in age. I just hope that when they do get a new baby cousin they’ll be his/her biggest protectors and best friends.
There’s so many things in life that make me step back and really question my endurance and courage. I know I have no choice but to keep my faith that it will work out. What if it doesn’t? But what if it does?  I can only imagine the feeling we’ll have when our courage is finally rewarded.