Refocus

The last couple of months have definitely been months of refocus. Since our failed cycle in November we really wanted to take some time to digest what happened and figure out how we need to continue. It was so needed and I’m so glad we waited instead of jumping into anything. I guess I can’t say I didn’t jump into anything because right away started researching and getting any information about what steps would be best for our situation. I drive Nate crazy sometimes with all my “research” but I know deep down he loves me for it! 

Immediately after the failed cycle, I told Nate I was done. I was emotionally, physically, and mentally just exhausted. The stress that infertility puts on a person has proven to be the same as those going through cancer. It gnaws and gnaws at you until you break. Because at that point in time I was at my breaking point I decided to move forward and really look into adoption. This is where I jumped right in….

We looked into agency’s and homestudy reps. We got out background checks, child abuse clearances, and all other needed paperwork. We even scheduled an appointment for the homestudy rep to come into our home to begin the process. But before we made it to the appointment I had a feeling that I needed to talk to my doctor again before I make the decision. I had only talked to him over the phone right after they called to tell me about the end of our last cycle. I needed to know that I had tried everything to carry a child before I moved on to adoption. We are not completely giving up on the idea. The more I’ve researched adoption and read personal stories, the more I love the idea. It’s an amazing blessing!

I called my doctors’ office expecting it to be another month or so before we could meet with him because he’s always super busy running between all of his clinics but to my surprise he had a cancellation and could get me in 4 days. AWESOME!! I met with him on Tuesday of this week to go over what happened and why it happened. He basically told me that what happened with the eggs on our cycle was either caused by genetics or something that has happened to my body during my lifetime. It could be endometriosis that has clung to my ovaries or it could have been a Pelvic infection that I didn’t even know I had causing the eggs to be affected. The thing is we will probably never know what has caused my eggs to not work right. Based off of the family history we do know of, we don’t see any link to it being genetics, but who knows? Basically it’s best to move forward with something we can control.

At this point we have 2 options, go through IVF again, adjust the meds a bit, and hope for a better outcome or we move to IVF with Donor Eggs. Nathan and I had already discussed the use of donor eggs and we both agreed we are open to it. My DR let me know that his success rate with the use of donor eggs is 80%. Those are insanely good odds! He is really confident that this is our best bet. EVERYTHING he’s tested me for has come back normal. Hormonally I’m balanced and physically I’m in great “child rearing” form. All my miscarriages, years of negatives, and failed cycles all point to one culprit…. Bad eggs.

I took the packet home and shared all the information with Nate and we’ve decided to move forward with the use of donor eggs. We are so excited! I have never gone into a cycle feeling more optimistic. The fact that the baby can still be genetically tied to us really puts my mind at ease. I can’t wait to see a little Nate running around the house (I’ll probably be eating those words after it actually happens ;)

​So at this time it’s back to drawing board on how to afford the treatments. I really kind of jumped in to the last IVF cycle so we are going to have to take our time and save as much money as possible before we move forward with the treatments. One thing I do know is all of the time we put into fundraisers or the money saved by not doing anything fun is going to be so worth it. I can’t give up on this dream of ours. I already feel a motherly instinct to not give up on my babies and I’ll do whatever it takes.