Undeniable reasons

​I cannot believe it’s been over 2 years since I’ve blogged. Life with 2 very active boys is busy but we’ve been having a lot of fun! I’ll try to catch you all up. First we went through the pandemic with a newborn and 2 year old. It was emotionally and mentally challenging to say the least. My anxiety was, and still is, high. I’ve had to have some tough talks with myself to get out of the funks as I’m sure a lot of us have done over the course of the pandemic.
Having started the pandemic with post partum depression I quickly realized how lonely I was. I kept thinking of how much I wanted to live closer to my family, especially my sisters and their kids, so our boys would have cousins to grow up around. I kept the thoughts to myself for a while until one night Nate and I started talking about the current housing market and what we could get out of our house. One thing led to another and we started to seriously do some research. One minute I was all for moving back to my hometown and the next I was unsure. When I left over 10 years ago I promised myself I would never move back, but in September 2021 we purchased a home and moved in!
Since moving back I go in waves of regret and surety. There are so many things I miss of my old life. I miss our home and neighbors, my job and coworkers, and the get togethers with our friends. I miss being closer to stores and restaurants and all the conveniences. We are very isolated out here which is a blessing and a curse. I do love our new home and the ways we are making it our own. I love the bit of property we have and watching our boys have room to roam. I love running into familiar faces and catching up on life. Although, I do miss being able to run to the store looking homeless without people recognizing me! I love being closer to my family. That is the biggest blessing that has come out of it.
I’ve had a few moments in life where a decision I’ve made is later answered with an undeniable reasoning. I’ve asked myself several times why I’ve felt the push to move home and 6 weeks ago it was unfortunately answered when we tragically lost my brother in law. To be a minute away from my sister and being able to be there in her most trying time in life has made our move here make sense. I know I’m right where I need to be and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I’ve witnessed life changing things during the first 2 weeks after Charlies death. The support their family has received was unbelievable. Within hours after his passing she had family, new friends and old friends, neighbors, church members, acquaintances, and strangers reaching out and helping her in the most amazing ways. If you know my sister and her kids who’d know why they have all this support. They are some of the most amazing people I know.
Over the last month I’ve really reflected on life and how I want to live it. I want to be present for my husband, kids, family, friends, and neighbors. Our presence in life is never promised but the impact it makes on people is big. Our legacy will never be how many designer bags we own, the name brand clothes we dress in, or the size of our home. Our time on earth is measured by the lives we touch and how we impacted it. Charlie changed my life in different ways while he was on this earth and his passing has too. I hope to live more like he did, authentically myself without fear or regrets of others opinions. As his parents have told me, he was headstrong from birth which was one of his very best traits. He will be forever missed but most definitely never forgotten.