Being an adoptive mom is a lot different than I thought it would be. There’s a lot of stigma surrounding it and for some reason I thought none of it would get to me, but it does. There’s phrases said to/about me and our adoption that people say but don’t understand the significance of it. I want to clear some of it up. The power of words can be so strong and learning to adapt those to certain situations can be just as powerful.
Is vs Was- Rhett was adopted, not “is” adopted. By saying he is adopted automatically labels him as that being his only quality. Technically, is was only adopted once when his papers were signed 😊 Those lucky to know him know that he is so much more than a label. He is smart, funny, so damn cute, and the brightest star in our lives. My gut instincts tells me he is going places in life. He was meant for something big.
Gave up vs placed- This is something I did not understand before our adoption. I was on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. I would give anything to have a baby, so I couldn’t understand how birth parents could make the decision to choose adoption. Now I understand that they love the child so much to step back and realize they can’t give the child everything they need. Can you imagine the amount of pride they have to put aside to make this decision? These amazing women are not giving up anything by choosing adoption, they are giving more. I can tell you in our adoptive situation his placement was done in complete love. Rhett will grow up knowing that he was never not wanted. He was loved, cherished, and taken care of in womb and now outside. He’s never not known love and that is a beautiful thing.
Real Mom vs. Birth mom- I am Rhetts real mom. I nurture him, make him laugh, change his diapers, feed him, etc. I'm his mother. His birthmom is also his mom. She grew him and gave him life. We are two different moms who love him in different ways.
Adoption has been emotional, heart breaking, heartwarming, and the greatest blessing in my life so far. I’ve really had to step back and practice patience and understanding. I know that people who have never been part of the adoption triad (birth parent, adoptive parent, or adoptee) don’t understand and most of the time don’t maliciously try to hurt feelings, but I hope that the above paragraphs help bring some enlightment to the correct adoption language.
What else would you like to know about our adoption? I'm always looking for more topics to share!
Hi my name is Whitney and I'm a mom to 2 adorable boys. Here you'll find our story of infertility, adoption, grief, and hope. I'm an open book so you'll never know what I'll post next!