Throughout my fitness journey I have used running as my tracker on how things are going. It was the first thing that I started doing when I decided I was sick of being fat and unhealthy so going further and faster is a great way for me to make sure I’m steadily making progress. Last week I ran the furthest I’ve ever ran at one time…. 5 miles! It felt amazing to accomplish this goal and reminded me of something very important that we all need to remember. Your goals and your accomplishments are exactly that…. Yours! They should be celebrated by you, not dismissed because someone else is doing better. The reason I’m writing this is I feel it’s important for others to realize that just because you are not where others are at in life, fitness, work, and/or weight loss does not mean your accomplishments are any less rewarding. Celebrate every single small or big goal that was met!
If you are on Instagram you are fully aware that it is full of fitness inspired accounts, mine included. Some are aimed at weight loss, some are aspiring trainers, and others are people capturing their impeccable physiques in preparation for competitions. While these can be great motivation for some, others get discouraged and frustrated. They base their own results on the results of others, a lot of times people they have never even met in real life. This is not at all healthy and I feel it needs addressed. There have been a few times that I have felt competitive towards others results because I felt they were better than mine. There have been times that I judged others because I couldn’t see results in their before and after pictures like I thought there should be. A girl who is preparing for a bikini competition has far different goals than I do. Just like someone who is trying to gain weight has different goals than someone losing hundreds of pounds. The thing we all need to remember is that we all have different body types, different metabolism, and different hormonal balances. The way we lose weight and build muscle will take a different amount of time and we will all see different results. It is not logical to think that you will see the same results as someone else. What I’m trying to say here is that you’ve got to accept your goals and accept your accomplishments. Don’t get caught up in what others are doing. Stay focused on you and your life will be happier. It’s taken me a while to realize this and I’ve been happier since. Life is about balance. Balance in every aspect of your life is crucial. If you are feeling overwhelmed, defeated, and down because of your lack of results then it’s time step back and reevaluate you current situation and make some changes.
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Baby loss is a weird thing. It’s something that people are sad for but don’t quite understand. They are sad for you because they know it’s hard. They are sad for you because they were excited when they heard the news. And they are sad because a loved one is hurting. The thing with this is they never really know how sad you are. People who have never went through baby loss/miscarriage will never fully understand the magnitude of the sadness that you feel.
From the moment I went into my weight loss journey I had a mentality that I was going to do this my way. I wasn’t going to do any weight loss system, no 21 day challenges, no wraps, no pills, etc. My heaviest weight that I remember being was 314 pounds but I do believe that I was heavier than that at one point because for the longest time I did not step on the scale and it wasn’t until I lost a little after being started on Metformin for my insulin resistance that I dared see the number. My exercise consisted of jogging, walking and some circuit training. I lost 50 pounds pretty quickly by doing this 1. Because my body was constantly shocked by the new movements that it hadn’t done in a long time. 2. My calories were lower in my diet and my body required more calories to function therefore my calorie deficit was more.
It will come as no surprise when I tell you that I’ve been in a funk lately. I have been going through the motions of work, personal life, and exercise for the last couple of weeks. I would get to the gym and just do the exercises with no focus. I wasn’t studying my personal training material because I had no desire for anything.
I have figured out that I have a certain way of dealing with things. I get to a certain point of depression and then it hits me and I’m like “Wait. This is ridiculous. You are better than this!” and then I snap out of it! I don’t know why I’m like this. It must be the fighter in me… and right now I feel like Muhammad Ali! I’m ready to start kicking ass! It’s been about 2 weeks since my miscarriage and I’m finally feeling like my old self. The first week after my D&C was so rough in the gym. It felt like I was starting all over. I could barely do lunges, my bench press was weak, and my cardio was horrible. It wasn’t until this week that I’ve started feeling stronger. Last week I remembered something that my doctor had said to me. While I was recovering after my D&C I was expressing to my doctor all my frustrations. As I was asking a million questions and going through my rant, he stopped me. He said “I get the frustration, but you shouldn’t feel this way. You have lost all this weight and you were able to get pregnant… on an un-medicated cycle too. You need to feel proud.” Remembering what the doctor said to me really pushed me into working harder on bettering myself. In my personal training material I am in a chapter that goes over how exercise affects your hormones, which we all know are crucial for overall health for everyone. Here is a list of hormones that are all directly helped with exercise: Thyrotropin (TSH)- Stimulates production and release of thyroxine from the thyroid gland. Endorphins- Blocks pain, promotes euphoria, and affects feeding and female menstrual cycle. Oxytocin- Stimulates muscles in uterus and breasts, important in birth and lactation. Cortisol- Promotes use of fatty acids and protein catabolism, conserves blood sugar-insulin antagonist, and has anti-inflammatory effects with epinephrine. Estrogen/progesterone- Controls menstrual cycle, increases fat deposition, promotes female sex characteristics. There are so, so, so many more too! I cannot express how important exercise to our overall health, but especially to those with hormonal imbalance. With diet and exercise you have control of something that effects your overall livelihood. I can guarantee that without changing my lifestyle 2 years ago, I would not have been able to get pregnant especially not on my own without medications. I have so much pride in knowing that I had such a big impact on my own life. For those of you who are scared, too tired, or unmotivated to start. Just start. Do yourself, your family, and your future a favor. If you don’t know where to start, just get up and move. Start walking and when you feel like you can, jog. Do jumping jacks, try assisted push ups, squat your body weight. Just move! I promise you will look back years down the road and will thank yourself. I know I sure do. This last month has been the biggest emotional roller coaster of my life. Let me begin by telling you what led up to this. In October, after my round of fertility medicine didn’t work I decided to start taking some vitamins that I have researched to be beneficial for PCOS. I started taking B12 Complex, Magnesium, Vitamin D, Biotin, and my prenatal. In November and December I could tell they were working. I had physical signs that had improved by taking them and I knew I was going to get pregnant.
In December I found out that my sister was expecting. I know for all those who have never dealt with infertility or baby loss will think the next sentence is very insensitive, but I don’t really care. When I found out I was sad and mad. I was sad because it was me who was doing fertility treatments and it was me who has been trying for years to have a baby. I was mad because it wasn’t me who was pregnant. Not only was I mad about that, but I was mad at myself for feeling this way. I knew I should be happy and I felt so guilty that I wasn’t. I love my sister and I am happy for her. On New Years Eve I decided to take a pregnancy test just to be safe. The first one I took had a very faint line. I freaked out! Then I started reading online that the blue dye tests are notorious for giving evaporation lines, so I started second guessing it. I stopping by Wal-Mart after work and got some First Response tests. I took one that night and it was completely negative. I was bummed. That night I got the news that Nate’s sister was also expecting. Again all those feelings of guilt and sadness occurred. I can’t help it. I took another test the following morning with first morning urine and it was still negative. I was completely bummed but moved past it and figured we’d try again when we had money for another round of meds. Fast forward 5 days and I still had not started so I took another test but I was sure that it would be negative and that the vitamins had just messed with my cycle. The first test I took had 2 very pink lines. I was pregnant. About 10 tests later I finally believed it! Since I am high risk due to my recurrent miscarriages, the doctor got me in for blood work right away. He confirmed that day that my levels were high and that I was pregnant. The following week I had my first ultrasound. They could see the gestational sac but nothing else. It was still very early so they figured they’d give me a few more days to grow. I went back in and they were able to see the yolk sac and the start of a small fetal pole. I was thrilled because I had never gotten far enough to see anything before. I just knew that this was the real deal. I was finally going to be a mom. I’ve been having symptoms that I have never had before. Sore boobs, fatique, some queasiness, and hungry all the time. I was feeling so confident, until yesterday. I woke up to get ready for work and went to the bathroom. When I wiped there it was…. The worst possible sight to any pregnant person, but more importantly to someone who has done it all before…. Blood. I knew immediately what was happening, I was losing my baby again. The doctor’s office told me to stay off my feet and if they bleeding got worse or I started cramping to call them. I felt fine for the most part all day but around 8 PM I started cramping and bleeding worse. This morning I called them to let them know that I was bleeding and I knew I was miscarrying. They got me in at 11 for an ultrasound and bloodwork. The ultrasound confirmed the inevitable. Nothing had progressed since my previous ultrasound and it was not a viable pregnancy. The doctor was just finishing up an egg retrieval for IVF on a patient so the nurse gave me the option to wait for her or they would call me that afternoon with further instructions. My mom came with me so we decided to wait for the doctor and talk to her face to face. About 30 minutes later the doctor finally came in to the room and discussed the next steps. She recommended that I undergo a D&C so they can send the tissue in for genetic testing. I held it together in the office but I wanted to fall apart. I wanted to cry the whole time but unfortunately I’m use to acting tough and held together. I’m so thankful that my mom was there with me. Isn’t it funny how no matter how old we get we still want our mom’s when we’re sick or hurting? Tomorrow I go in to have the baby that I so desperately want taken out of me. On one hand I want to get it over with, but on the other I just want to stay pregnant longer. It truly doesn’t get any easier. In fact it gets harder. I’m so mad at everything. I am mad that my body that I’ve worked so hard on the last few years can’t even do the one thing that it’s meant to do. What really scares me though is I’m mad at God. I really don’t understand his lesson in this at all. I don’t want to hear anymore “it will happen when it’s supposed to happen” or “maybe your body just isn’t meant to carry a child, there’s other ways to have a baby”. I’m full aware of the options. Believe me, I’ve done more research than you can imagine. For now, I need to grieve in my own way. I need to cry, be angry, be sad, and distance myself. That’s how I handle it. I know that to some this not be the “right” way but its how I will do it. I’ll grieve and be sad for a while but I’ll be fine. I’m always fine. Once we get the genetic tests back we’ll be able to make better decisions as to what steps to take next in starting our family. I just have to keep asking myself, when is it okay to give up? I’ve never been a quitter but I’m almost to that point. Right now I emotionally cannot handle another loss. I’m done. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned through the loss that I’ve endured over the years, it’s that my support system is amazing. I have the most amazing family, friends, and honestly the sweetest most genuine husband on the planet. The things that he says to me for comfort are all perfect and exactly what I need to hear. One day Nate and I will have our perfect little family, it may not be the way we imagined but it’ll happen. Until then I’ve just got to stay strong. Last night Nate and I were meeting up with my Dad and his wife Christy for dinner and a movie. I had went to the gym and was barely getting out of the shower when my dad called and said he was pulling into town. I panicked because I still had to do my hair and makeup which usually takes a while because I have thick hair! I knew I wouldn't have enough time to get all dolled up so I put on a bit of foundation/powder, mascara, and blush. I quickly dried my hair and ran the straightener through it. That is where my regimen changed... usually I section my hair off multiple times and straighten every strand. But this time I didn't. I literally ran it over my hair, taming the frizzies, and ran out the door.
You're probably thinking what does this have to do with anything right? Well it does, I promise. As were driving to the restaurant and began thinking how I felt okay going out in public feeling less than perfect. I was fine knowing my hair was a bit bigger/frizzier than usual. I felt okay with knowing my eyes were not emphasized with shimmery shadow. I honestly felt free. I know without a doubt that I felt okay with all these imperfections because deep down I finally know how I really feel about myself. I no longer need or want peoples acceptance. I 100% feel okay with myself and for the first time in my life that's all I need. There is something I want people to understand though. Don't sit there and think "I'll lose weight like she has and I'll feel good like she does now." No! Don't think that way. Look at your life the way it is right now. Whatever it is that you're battling weight, divorce, personal trials, family trials, etc. Know that you are perfect and you are doing the absolute best that you can in this current situation. But don't stay stagnant. If you don't like the way the situation is going or being handled, change it. I honestly get the most confidence and the most empowerment by knowing that I over came hard situations and made myself better. I Just want people to see that you are enough and you are strong even with all your flaws. I want to know what you feel your flaws are? What do you do to cover them up? Let your flaws shine and be free to express yourself in all your frizzy (in my case anyways!) goodness! This weeks entries are again not that extensive but I have some awesome things coming up, I promise! I have just enrolled in classes to get my personal trainer certificate and once that is done I'll add a fitness nutrition certificate to it. I am bound and determined to make my passion of weight loss, fitness, and nutrition my career in some way.
My goals with these certificate programs that I'm taking is to gain a better knowledge of how to adapt to different aspects of each clients personal health and goals. At this point I feel like my best advice are for those dealing with PCOS related weight loss issues and fitness/diet questions. I do want to focus mainly on those dealing with this syndrome because I personally know the affects is has on a persons health and emotions. I basically want to be that persons advocate and emotional/physical support system! I'll start providing meal plans and fitness programs that are tailored each person individually. This can all be provided online or if I'm lucky enough to a person in my area that I can personally work with! If you or anyone you know is interested in this, please let me know. I'll need a Guinea pig to test my skills on :) I've got big goals for 2015 and I can't wait to accomplish them all! I again want to tell you all thank you for reading this blog and for all the support through comments. I know that I have been dealt the hand of having PCOS and learning how to take my health back for a reason. That reason is to share my experience and knowledge to people in hopes that I can in some way make their lives better. Yesterday while at the gym, I was on the treadmill doing my end of workout cardio. It was leg day and I literally couldn’t run, my legs were wobbly and I felt I had no control over them. I needed to reach my burn zone for a few more minutes to reach my calorie goal so I pushed myself a bit harder by speed walking on incline. As I was getting my heart rate up, feeling dead tired, I started thinking of how far I’ve come. It wasn’t even about how far I’ve come in the gym, but life in general.
For those of you work out a lot you know what I mean when I tell you I blocked everything out and had this weird moment where I was in my own world with just my thoughts. I literally had a moment where I got this crazy feeling in the pit of my stomach and realized that everything has changed, because I made it change. I’ll let you in on how I’ve changed. The me before: overweight, unhealthy, pessimistic, scared, submissive, and lonely. The me now: Healthy, optimistic, strong willed, opinionated, and happy. All those things I listed as me before all had excuses attached to them. What I mean is there was something, or someone in my life, that made me that way (which is mostly BS). The things I listed as how I feel now, that’s all me. I have so many AMAZING people in my life, most of which were in my life before, but now instead of saying I’m happy because of someone else; I say I’m happy with myself. Having all you amazing people there with me is just icing on the cake! In that moment on the treadmill where I felt I couldn’t continue, who was the one pushing me to keep going? Me. On those last 2 squats where I didn’t think I’d make it back to starting position, who found some way to get strength to stand back up? Me. When my life was in shambles who made the hard decisions to start fresh? Me. Who moved out of her safe, little town she’d grown up in all her life to start a new life? Me. And who is happier with herself than ever before? ME! Starting any new journey in life is scary. There are so many unknowns, what ifs, and worry. My best advice to anyone starting a new journey in life is to just do it. Whether you accomplish what you set out to do or you don’t, you’ll never be unhappy that you tried. Knowing you stepped out of your comfort zone and tried something new will always result in self-fulfillment. Always remember there is not one person in this world that can make you truly, utterly happy but yourself. Am I the only one who forgets dates I should remember, but remembers dates I wish I could forget? I swear my brain won’t shut off lately no matter how much I try to make it. Today marks 1 year that I miscarried for the 3rd time. While I remember every time it has happened, this one is still so fresh and hurts. I remember every single thing about that day and it makes me so sad to relive it.
I remember waking up that morning going to bathroom and seeing blood rush onto the floor. I remember the horrible cramping and contractions. I remember feeling completely lost. That was seriously one of the worst days of my life but as I look back I realize that good things did come from it. That day and the days following it has made me completely certain that Nate is without a doubt the man of my dreams. The way he reacted to the miscarriage confirmed that he cares so much for me and that is something that I never felt before. I don’t think he even realizes how much his actions are embedded into my mind, but I’ll never forget the feeling of love I felt that day. He felt so guilty going to work that day, but he had just got a promotion and I knew there was nothing he could do at home, so I made him go. He called and text constantly, making sure I knew he would come home If I needed him. That means more to me than anything, knowing that he’ll always be there for no matter what. That whole experience has reinforced the lesson I’ve always known, that there is something good to come from most situations. Does it mean that the situation hurts any less, no, but as long as we were taught a lesson that we can use throughout life it can make it that much easier to handle. Coming home from my family Christmas party on Saturday, Nate and I decided that we want to start treatment again next month. It’s something we both feel is best. I just have this feeling that I am supposed to be trying. I don’t like feeling that I’m not giving something my all and I like to trust my woman’s intuition. I know that it doesn’t mean I’ll necessarily get pregnant this round, but I’ll feel better knowing are giving it %100. Last night, as we were laying in bed I had a breakdown. I couldn't stop crying because every memory kept flooding over me. Nate wrapped his arms around me and said "Babe you can't give up. That's one of the things I love most about you, you don't let anything stop you." Seriously, the most perfect thing he could have said. I woke up feeling much better and open minded. I know what it's like to give up on everything and I know what it's like to fight for everything. I like the fight "never give up" option much better. So whether this round results in pregnancy or with another negative and more disappointment, I’ll try to figure out the lesson that was taught and stay as positive as I can. The best way to handle any curve ball that life throws at you is with positivity. I decided to start doing a monthly blog where I tell you how I really feel on certain subjects. It can be anything so if you have something you want to know my feelings on, please feel free to ask!
I have had a few people ask me if I’ve ever done a cleanse? My answer is always “Hell no!” Why? Because I’ve done my research and I have found nothing that states that it is really as healthy as some people make it out to be. There are some articles that state they are healthy but honestly all of them seem to be from people who are endorsing a product. Every article I’ve read that is from an unbiased person says they really provide no beneficial outcome. In fact, to me they seem to have worse side effects than any good. One article that I found from www.everydayhealth.com states that detox diets often have a placebo effect where the individual feels better because they believe they are doing something good for their body. The article also lists some reasons why cleanses will a lot of times do more harm than good. · A sudden increase in fiber-heavy fruit and vegetables can lead to bloating, gas, and possibly diarrhea. This may be one reason that people believe that detox diets 'cleanse' the digestive system. · Detox diets are not recommended for teenagers, pregnant women, or people with health conditions because of the danger from not getting enough calories and proteins. · People with a tendency to addiction may experience a "high" from detoxing that may lead to dangerous eating disorders. · Detox diets do not result in long-term weight loss. These diets are only meant to be used for a short period, and most people rapidly regain any lost weight once the diet is over. · There is no real evidence that a detox diet is any better at getting rid of toxins than your body's own natural defense mechanisms. Our bodies are created to provide its own detoxification system. If cared for properly we really don’t need to force it to detox. We all have toxins from our food, pollutants in the air, drinks containing alcohol and caffeine, etc. There are certain things that you can do to help your body naturally release toxins. · Drink plenty of water. · Limit alcohol and caffeine intake. · Try to eliminate processed foods. Eat fresh/natural products. I really wish more people did research before starting any type of restrictive diet. I know that diet products all warn you to consult a physician before starting, but how many people actually do it? Do you know what is actually in the product you are using or how it could affect you? All articles I have read have a certain thing in common…. They all state the scientific evidence is lacking to support the benefits of cleanses. I try to stay open minded to things but it does frustrate me when I hear people complain about needing to lose weight but they don’t want to work for it. Instead they do a cleanse for a week, lose weight (which for the most part is water), gain it all back, then complain again! I am open to feedback on this though. If you’ve done a cleanse before how did you feel? What was your purpose of starting the cleanse? Did you get the results you were wanting? I like to educate myself on all aspects of weight loss and nutrition so your input is greatly appreciated! |
AuthorHi my name is Whitney and I'm a mom to 2 adorable boys and the wife to a sports loving, handsome man. I'm outnumbered but wouldn't have it any other way. I'm navigating motherhood one fart joke at a time. Welcome to my crazy life! Archives
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