It's time for a quick update! In the last 2 weeks we have put in for 3 different adoption situations with our agency and have one private adoption possibility. We have got word that one family didn't choose us but the others are still up in the air. I feel strangely calm about the whole thing. I know everything happens for a reason so I'm thankful for the family's that don't choose us and I hope nothing but the best for the waiting family that gets that precious baby.
It's crazy to think that we could be parents really soon, like 3 weeks soon if one of the possible families choose us. We could possibly be waiting for a lot longer, you just never know with adoption. It makes it hard to plan things out... and I'm a huge planner! I have the nursery planned but not put together. I know what we need for the baby, but nothing bought. To be honest it scares me to buy anything because it makes it real and I've had real taken from too many times.
In the last week we've been shown some pretty tender mercies with a lot of things working out for us. I'm continually amazed at the prayers that are answered at the exact time your faith starts to waver. Waiting for answers and a chance to be a parent has been hard, but we have been taught so many lessons. We are grateful for it all.
It takes a village to raise a child is a proverb which means that it takes an entire community to raise a child: A child has the best ability to become a healthy adult if the entire community takes an active role in contributing to the rearing of the child.
We may not have a child yet, but I know that when our child is born he/she will have the best "village" to help them become the best version of themselves possible. When I decided to do a t-shirt fundraiser to help with the cost of adoption I really researched what design and wording I wanted to use. I kept going back and forth, but the one that stuck out was "it takes a village" for a few different reasons.
When I first opened up about our difficult road to parenthood I never expected things to go this way. I never thought we'd have to do numerous rounds of medicated cycles, multiple rounds of IVF, and I never thought we'd be starting our family through adoption. Through it all we've had a community of support. No matter how alone I felt going through all these things, I never was.
Because of our village standing behind us, we were able to move forward with our second IVF cycle (our donor egg cycle). We raised a couple grande through GoFundMe and our parents helped with a lot of the rest of the cost. That IVF cycle resulted in us hearing our baby's heartbeat and seeing him/her wiggle around inside me. For the first time I knew what it was like to have life inside of me. Even though that pregnancy resulted in another loss I am extremely grateful to have the memory of those amazing milestones we hit.
No matter what life experience you have had or may still be going through, it will require something bigger than yourself to get through it. You will need your family, friends, neighbors, and even strangers to help support you through it. We can't wait to have our baby here and to tell them all about the people who helped get them to us :) If you'd like to purchase a shirt, go to my store option and input your info. Thanks to all those who have ordered so far!
I truly believe that one of the good things to come out of having to wait longer and work harder for something is the true, genuine appreciation you have for the finale. I had a older gentleman come over to our yard sale fundraiser who adopted his first 3 children and later in life had a few biological. He told me with absolute certainty that he never once loved his biological children any more than he loves those he adopted. They were all his children, genetics or not. He assured me that all the hard work and sacrifice we have made would be worth it. He left me with chills as he was telling his stories.
We have so many dreams and plans in store for our child. Until then we will continue working on our lives, marriage, and goals. Once we have our babies in our arms our lives and goals will change. We are ready for that to happen today, tomorrow, or a year from now (pray it’s not a year though!)
This weekend we had our yard sale fundraiser and it was a success! I went into it praying we could raise $1000 and we more than doubled that! Between the yard/bake sale and our T-Shirts we raised enough to pay our first fee when we are finally chosen to become parents. Such a huge deal!
About a month ago we started asking for donations. My sister accepted them at her house and then we rounded some up as well. We had a large enclosed trailer full of stuff. Nate had to work on Saturday so he wasn't able to haul the trailer for us, but of course my Dad came to the rescue and drove 4 hours round trip to come get the trailer for us. My sister kept telling me that she was getting a lot of stuff dropped off at her house, but I was not prepared for what I saw when I pulled up to her house. Her large garage was stuffed full! Yard sales are scary because you never know what items you're going to get but we had some awesome stuff. Clothes with new tags, some nice furniture, super cute home decor, and lots more. Guys, I was blown away by all the donations.
We started the sale at 8am and when I arrived at my sisters around 7:30 there was already someone there. It was a steady stream of people until about 3:30 PM. I didn't even have time to pee until 4 because I was running around crazy all day! My sisters were rock stars, my nieces and nephews helped (and tried to steal a few toys), and my dad helped and supported like he always does. My mom couldn't be there because my Great Aunt was in the hospital but she still made time to make delicious cupcakes to sale and my oldest sister wasn't there but did hustle some tshirt sales from home. My family is the absolute best.
The day before the yard sale we were presented a situation for a baby due in the next week. We had all our paperwork filled out but did not end up applying for the situation because the $43,000 was too far out of our budget. I'm not going to lie and say we didn't feel a bit discouraged. The fundraiser has helped raise our spirits a lot. We know that situation was not right for us and we know that all the support we got this weekend will help us get to our baby.
I drove home last night very humbled and thankful for my life. The support we've been shown by family, friends, and complete strangers has been nothing short of amazing. It's taught me that service to others can go a long ways. This is honestly something that will always stay with me. This weekend was a life changer for me, in more ways than one.
Not much new is going on with our adoption right now. We are a waiting family with our agency, but we haven’t had any luck with a match yet. Every day we are hoping that it’s the day we get good news! We are holding our first fundraiser this weekend. We will be holding a yard sale in my hometown and I’m really excited for it! I think the hardest thing about being a waiting family is “waiting”. To become a waiting family, it takes months of preparation to get all your paperwork ready and submitted. Once your paperwork is done, the home study can take a bit of time because you’re waiting on the social worker to get the report done. So even though you are not officially ready to adopt, you are keeping busy and moving forward in the right direction.
When you are home study approved and a waiting family, you kind of just have to relax and wait. It’s hard knowing that you have a life changing experience on the verge of happening but you don’t know when. I think that is one of the reasons I’m most excited for the fundraiser, because I know I’m doing something to help me get to the life changing moment. I’m not just sitting around waiting for it to happen. We have been accepting donations for the yard sale and I’m blown away by the generosity of people. It has really opened my eyes to the act of service and the blessing that people are in my life. To those who have donated so far, thank you. I can’t explain how much it means to me.
Not only are fundraisers a great way to help take your mind off the waiting process, but it’s also a stress reliever knowing you are helping financially. Private adoptions are expensive. Most families who adopt have also already gone through some sort of infertility treatments that are never cheap, so fundraisers are very helpful if you decide to adopt privately. On average, an adoption through an agency ranges from $24,000 to $60,000 in the state of Utah. We have already spent an estimated $30,000 on fertility treatments, so we could potentially be spending close to $100,000 to get our miracle baby. Is it Stressful? Yes. Will it be worth it, absolutely!
I’ve had a few people give me their opinions and have asked me why we don’t go through the foster care system. Believe me, we have thought about it and we have spoken to a few different people connected to the foster care system and it is just not the right fit for us right now. It’s one of those things that it 100% a personal decision and we have made ours. Here’s my stance on adoption…. There is never a wrong way to do it. Whether you adopt through an agency, privately through an attorney, or through the foster care system you are still giving a child a chance at a life in a stable home full of love <3
It is so crazy to me the amount of evil people in this world. We have actively been trying to adopt for 2 months and we have had multiple people reach out to us trying to scam us. When you start the adoption process you are warned right away of these people, but until you actually deal with it, you don't really know what to expect. Every time I have a message pop up my excitement soars only to be disappointment when we confirm it's a scam. These scammers are not only looking for money, but a lot of them get thrills by playing with your emotions.
We have officially decided to sign with an agency to help protect us from these scams and find a legitimate expectant mom who will choose us to parent her child. We know that this option comes with a hefty price tag, but I was once told "You can either have a full wallet and empty house or a full house and an empty wallet". We know that having a full house is our priority, so we know our choice is the right one.
Adoption is hard, emotional, and downright frustrating. I'm not sure why God has made the path to parenthood so hard for us (and a lot of others out there) but it better be because there is something exceptional waiting for us. With every scam and and setback I keep telling myself that it's all in God's timing, even if I don't believe it half of the time. Please continue to pray for us and share our blog. We want to continue to reach as many people as possible in hopes to find our baby.
Can you say excited and nervous? We are both right now! We have secretly been working on our home study since February and haven’t wanted to say anything until it was official, but last week we got our approved home study confirmation. Now we want to shout it from the rooftops!
10 years of trying, 6 miscarriages, and too many tears later I’ve learned to trust in timing. I strongly believe that I had to go through what I’ve been through in order to make the decision to adopt. We have talked about it before, but there was always something holding me back. That is why we chose to go with the Donor egg IVF route. I had to try again. Not necessarily because I wanted to have a child biologically tied to us. I know now that it was a test to see if I was listening.
After we lost our last baby, I couldn’t even think of trying again whether that was through pregnancy or adoption. The thought of putting myself out there only to be hurt again scared me. I didn’t know if I could physically or mentally handle it. We took months off to regain our strength and to mentally refocus our lives. During the months of refocus, I finally realized that I’ve been through enough “Maybe’s” and I’m ready for my “someday”. I know without a doubt that I will “someday” be a mom.
Adoption is a world of unknowns and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t overwhelmed and scared. I’m scared to put myself out there, get matched with a baby, and have the adoption fall through. I’m even more overwhelmed at the thought of having everything work out and the emotions I’ve going to feel when I finally get to look at our child in their eyes. The level of emotions I’m going through is what’s getting through this time of waiting. It’ll be worth it in the end.
A few months ago, I was feeling really scared and had a lot of anxiety. I was sitting at work, itching for lunch to start so I could get out of the office and cry. I decided to grab a sandwich and go to a quiet lake. While I was there I sat on a bench and just soaked in the quiet. I finished my lunch, but still had time until I needed to head back to work so I took a walk around the lake. I remember thinking and hoping that I was strong enough to go through our adoption plan. I was feeling so full of doubt until I felt a complete calmness take over me and a subconscious whisper tell me “you are” Those 2 words have directed my life in more ways than one since that day. I no longer doubt that I am going in the right direction. I know that I am strong enough and I know that I am married to the strongest person I know. We are more than ready to go through with this plan and we are more than ready to welcome a child into our home.
Right now we are asking for shares on all social media accounts. The more we get our names out there, the better our chances of being matched with our future child will be. We've already been overwhelmed with the amount of support given. I love the people in our life and I have faith that this is going to work. Check back here frequently for updates.... I hope you are ready to experience this craziness with us. It's going to be fun!